I have to say this you know.. I've loved you so much at times that it has beyond destroyed me. The pain was almost blinding. That's how severely I've suffered. But I could talk in riddles and give you names like I don't know...Seth or Brad or Jake. And maybe I could be Emilia or Jane or Leslie...but we would still be walking around with the same amount of pain so.. I don't know.
But there is one thing I want to confess today.. these so called prisons in my mind are not actually prisons. These are some beautiful designs of disaster. I can't explain the difference so kindly do not ask.
You see I can't summarize my day for you everytime. I can't explain what goes on in my heart. The novelty of my misery starts to fade away. I know I sound selfish but such is misery. You want it all to yourself. Its like the lottery for lovers. You're either all in or you go home. I know its crazy. But to be fair I never promised you normalcy.
I told you that I might be dying soon. You got all worked up and said you will die first. I don't know why you had to get so competitive. Its death after all. The truth is my dear that...no one dies together. Infact we die alone. Individually. And no amount of solace is enough. I've seen people go... so trust me on this.
I would ask for two things when I die. A) I'd request God to send me back for a second chance because I would like to keep trying. B) If I can't be granted A then I'd like the power to make flowers weep for a day. I would like to send the message of sorrow in hope that you might notice it. So please try and notice it.
I want you to know that the world needs people like you. The world also needs people like me so that they can get to know and appreciate people like you. The world also needs courage. It also needs less chaos. But above all the world needs less plane crashes.
I've said good bye before and I've asked you to hold on. You've done the same in your low moments. You're getting better at fixing what you at first accidentally (and sometimes on purpose) broke. Mind you I'm starting to like the feeling of being destroyed because you always come back to rebuild me. Its a vicious circle. I've grown to love it.
And you see I'm getting better at shattering you into pieces and then putting them together and that's how it goes on now..
So my love.. keep holding on. And in my dearest dream...please hold my hand in that city of lights.
Misery loves company.