Where is life going right now you ask? Well... I didn't stand in front of a tank today to start a revolution. Nor I didn't wake up this morning. My house wasn't bombed either. My unborn child didn't just die inside me nor he or she got diagnosed with cancer. None of that happened. Maybe someone day but today wasn't that day.
However today I had a vision of a 13 year old me hiding under my uncle's cherry finish office desk. I used to hide from the world then. I remember the cacophony of past voices.Voices that discussed literature, politics, music and poetry over tea every evening. Sweet voices of my own people. People who are not my own anymore. Voices that are now bitter. So much has changed over time. I've changed over this time. Its been a shelter-less journey and I would never lie to you (this time...maybe).
I know its unfair to you but I don't except you to know my past. I once lived you know... I once loved as well and soon I will be a memory. We all will be. Tell me how would you like to remember me? You can whisper it. Don't be shy please. I need to know this.
The world has made me very cold. I blame myself for that. I let the world do that to me. I grew old in the shadow of that coldness. I will die feeling bleak.. I know that already.
But you are the only reason I keep bouncing back. All this pain. This loss. The peripheral loss is all the world sees and they laugh at it. The fact is that I've lost myself in this horrible process. The fact is that I don't have words to describe this awful pain... And the world has ignored my pain... completely.
I won't lie to you.. but it might be all lies from here onwards.
I apologize in advance.
But I will bounce back.
I still have you..