Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Musician Marilyn

In that old bar by the street corner in my town
She sang sad love songs with that heart so broken
Do you not remember those light blue eyes?
With gestures of love in them resided unspoken

Try and just remember my sweetest Marilyn
And how she belted out tunes so spell-bound
Held on to the despair somewhere deep within
In over flowing sorrows forever remained drowned

They say she suffered from that broken heart syndrome
Those hands did not stop shaking since the day he left
She became uncomfortably numb ever since then
Sang songs of despair in that black mourning dress

Quickly all the triumphs turned into doleful tragedies
And the surrounding air just got heavier by the day
Rage within subsiding somewhere on the periphery
While witnessing quietly her heart's destined dismay

You can't do much when the spirit gets badly bruised
For it is as fragile as the sandcastles we all once built
Sweet girl, angel you and your pursuit for happiness
Left you nothing but deserted with dreams unfulfilled

They swept her memories away with that dusty old broom
Complete standstill it was, my darling angel had fallen
The sky mourned as I laid a dozen red roses on her grave
Music grieved as she was laid to rest, my blue eyed Marilyn

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

In The Hollows Of Uncertainty

In the quicksands of time I was dissolving. No it wasn't a nightmare. It was reality at its worst. There was this desperation to escape it. Ran so fast that it felt like the heart was beating outside of my body. Adrenaline rush it was. Can't say if it was the good kind or the bad. I was gasping for breaths. It was like pleading rather begging to live while this dark cloud was closing in from all around. Like I explained to you, trying to escape it became the only option. And then I soon found myself locked in the midst of some four walls. So escaping wasn't a possibility anymore. And I almost gave in.

It was dark. Visibility was minimal. But what did I know so fighting back became my only option except didn't know as to who was the opponent here? Had no idea as to how strong that force was? But fighting back was the alternative selection here. And It was just us. That dark cloud and myself. My breaths became limited. Though I must admit that nothing was depriving me of my deserved breaths. My concentration was diverted towards winning this battle. It was even a struggle to breathe at that point. If anything, isolation from it all was my own choice. Because giving in would have been the wiser option but silly me had other preferences.

And then came the climax of it all. It got even darker. I entered the abyss. That feeling of bleakness persisted. Letting go and embracing defeat was the only option left now. Had I known that the memoirs once written in my mind would unfold like this, I would have just prayed for something else. Perhaps the same story with the same climax but fast forwarded until this part. And let me tell you as to what happened next. The very abyss became my bliss.

Life turned into an absolute irony and it became impossible to prison the very thing that eventually ended up captivating me instead. What did I know at that moment? How long was this going to be for? Well had I known that it would imprison me for eternity, I swear to you my darling, I swear...
I would have given in much earlier.

Because in the hollows of uncertainty it was our spirits who were finally at peace post finding each other. And now... life's unfolding at its own pace as I watch you sleep tonight while remembering that for sure
 today has been okay but here's kissing you good night with a promise that tomorrow will be better.

Sweet dreams. :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Le Misérable

And somehow it all comes down to a few moments we have with each other. The clock keeps ticking and we have to live out those few moments to the core. Just so we can go to bed with the memory of that moment. Just so that memory can linger around us, in us and out of us. And you know what happens if the memory accidentally fades? The mornings turn blue, the afternoons gray and the night turns black. Not the kinda black you and I admire so much. Its a different one. The one that absorbs all of our Oxygen and we gasp for breath. The one where we can't seem to find each other and we get lost in the abyss of uncertainty. Its not a good feeling. I certainly know it. And I know that you know as well. You see there's absolute chaos out there in the world. Then there's that uncontrolled madness in me. But it all reaches its equilibrium when you are there. Holding me. Letting me know that it will be alright. But how do you console someone who has never known what peace is? How do you explain calm to the restless? And how do you explain sweet dreams to the insomniacs?

Don't blame me. Blame this world. Blame life in general. Because it made me the way I'm. It made me so bitter and so angry and so doubtful that I don't know anything for sure anymore. But you know what? It was meant to be this way.  We were all supposed to get hurt at first. The sky was supposed to come crashing down on all of us. Its an unwritten rule of life. Its a fact so you and I should go ahead and embrace it with open arms. What I feel today wouldn't have felt as great perhaps ten years ago. Had I not gone through the pains and aches, I don't think I would have been afraid of losing you. The fact that I have started to feel the fear is a positive thing. I have another confession. I think I'm scared of dying. I don't want to die. I know death does not end a relationship and yet I'm scared of dying. But I have an ill heart, I know. And it might kill me sooner than later. The reasons for its illness are many but above all its ill because its been aching since a while now.

And no do not count the number of days its been aching for. You will lose count and you will certainly get frustrated. With me. With yourself. And mostly with my aching heart. But I will tell you as to why it aches. It aches because its been miserable since a very long time now. And its mainly because it realizes that what it feels for you is bigger than anything it has ever felt before. Ok perhaps not as big as the galaxies out there but its far beyond than just a word.

Good Night. :)