Monday, June 25, 2012

Silent Screams

In the darkest most haunted dungeon of her heart
Lies that dirty secret of damage and disgrace
Fragments of gloomy memories often unwind
Of nightmares lived through lucent summer days

The abyss of nothingness runs deep within
Bright past often appears blurry suddenly
That ugly darkness hogs from all four corners
And off she goes living that aching memory

Of silent tears the pillow witnessed on many nights
Those cold hands were painting a doleful picture
She would lay awake so exposed in that deep hurt
Tied in her pink skipping rope she'd then surrender

To that evil monster her mother failed to ever mention
In the bedtime stories she would tell every night
Ones of a sad princess in search of her prince charming
Or one with the Evil Queen & that gullible Snow White

The haze around the child got heavier by the night
Fonder memories got lost in the caves of her mind
In and out & out and in the monster's journey began
Thighs covered in blood while joy somewhere behind

Fourteen drawn-out dark nights of pain and capitulation
Swollen eyes, bleeding lips, dreams entirely shattered
A puppet she was, dancing to the tunes of her master
With a smile forever broken and hopes so scattered

Soon the monster moved on to steal new innocence
Helpless she remained scarred for timeless existence
The smell of that devil soon got engraved in her mind
And off that innocent soul went living under a pretense

Nightmares would haunt as she would fall asleep
Monster quickly moved into her shadow so sorrowful
Picking up the pile of broken dreams one at a time
Unable to share, her story not so believable

The abuser never returned but walks around freely
Past often visits in glimpses of fear left unspoken
A memory that refuses to fade away completely
Tormented and hurting she is a child so broken

*Sixteen long years it took to finally write this.

Monday, June 4, 2012

And I Wonder If I Ever Cross Your Mind

We were in the wrong place at the right time. At least we got something right for a change. Everything around us was wrong and that was because everything in us was at fault. Maybe it was our genetic make-up. Maybe it hit us like a mutation gone so wrong. After all not all mutations are harmful. I would know. They think I'm a scientist so I guess I would know.

The past wreckage came with what was unfolding in our present. We couldn't avoid it so we just welcomed it. Your love was going to be my safety net. That's what you had promised me. Silly me, I believed you with my eyes closed. And I wasn't any less pathetic. I promised you the world when I was burning in the hell of my own desires. How could I have promised you all that? It was unfair on my part. I'm sorry for that by the way.

The mind is set free from your memories. All of them. Except for just one. The one where I see us watching "500 Days Of Summer" in a loop. Come to think of it I don't need to remember anything else. It seems to me that I lived a lifetime with you when ever we sat down to watch that movie. You had a serious crush on Zoey Deschanel and I could never understand as to why. For most people their go to movie was "The Note Book" but we were different. We were above and beyond most people.

And that was our problem. We were different from most people but before that we were too different from each other. We were on different pages. Pages of two different books. But life had placed us side by side and we were trying to give it a try. Then somehow we stopped trying. We became lazy.

And now years have passed. You are nothing but a lingering memory. A memory that creeps up on me from time to time. A memory that often makes me cringe for some reason. I regret even meeting you. I love to hate you. But its all because I've never been able to love anyone so dearly as I loved you. I will never be able to. Its just not possible anymore. You brought me here and then you stopped trying and I haven't been able to love anyone since then.

So that is the reason as to why I hate you. But that's mainly because I never stopped loving you.

Its complicated. Its like DNA. Its intertwined. You won't understand. Just so you know.. like that Lady Antebellum song...

I'm All Alone & I Need You Now.