Saturday, May 30, 2015
Maybe I will tell you jokes and divert your attention. That's how I am. Maybe the sad truth is that I am scared and have started to feel really nervous. Right now at this moment, at 4:30 am in this lonely hotel room in the highest capital of Europe...I'm probably scared than ever.
Maybe I should retire myself from this race because I'm a wounded player at the moment. You'll have to fight this on your own or maybe cease this battle for a moment or two so I can try to recover. As pretentious as it may sound because who am I kidding? I was born wounded and I will die aching.
But I shouldn't lie to you at least. This isn't a race my love. This is life. And I'm not gonna cheapen it by calling it a race. The fact is that whatever it is.. without you something as simple as water separates to 2 atoms of Hydrogen and an atom of Oxygen and the Covalent bond refuses to form. Life as you know can not exist when that happens.
And as you know You and I also began with an atom but so much has changed since then. Now that's life. I mean to say evolution. Change is our only constant. But some people refuse to believe in evolution. But then there are certain things you don't repeat in front of a certain audience.
Like a sexual joke in front of a rape victim, Like the term, "Some people/things never change" in front of a scientist or "Women are secondary to men" in front of a feminist.
Maybe my thoughts are too chaotic tonight and nothing is making sense but in the midst of living all these lies.. I want to confess something.
I have forgotten as to how to live without you. In case I ever have to.
And for such an independent person...isn't that the worst nightmare ever?
But on the other hand..isn't it the most beautiful that has ever happened?
We are in this together.