Saturday, October 30, 2010

Yeh Shaam

Dil ki baatein sabhi..bin kahay hum sunain...honth khamosh hon...aankhein kehti rahein...
Dil ki baatein sabhi...

He seems harmful, may be he will corrupt her in no time. There is something really dangerous about him. He is like a raging lava. Perhaps he is very passionate about everything in life. The dangerous kinda passion though and yet his presence is very comforting. Its hard to explain. He is a complete paradox.

But she feels uncomfortable at times because of the things he says. They don't sync the way she would want them to. The puzzle is still incomplete. She is thinking. Sitting across from him on a Saturday afternoon, she is thinking (about him). Perhaps he won't know. Perhaps he won't notice the silence, the awkwardness, the disordered chaos.

Maybe to him this isn't awkward. He said there is too much of unnecessary noise in his part of the world so perhaps this silence is heavenly for him. He looks tired though. The bags in his eyes are really bothering her. Why doesn't he ever sleep?

They are sitting in the middle of packed boxes. They are repainting her room. From builder's white to teal. "Why teal", he asked her? "Because it hides everything", she said. "Its dark". "It absorbs the light". (Its so me).

But in reality, its so him. But he didn't need to know that (she grinned while she thought that).

His stare sometimes scares her. God knows as to what's going on in this guy's head.

"You know you face...there is something about it", he says. "Its very untouched".

"Do you dream of being touched by someone?", he asked.

"Umm.. yes of course. But there are barriers in my head. Some lines I have drawn. They were drawn so I could keep myself out of trouble but you know what I have learnt from life S? I think that when we draw these lines around us, perhaps we sometimes stay out of trouble but sometimes happiness turns away from our doorstep as well."

"But I guess because of these are who you are R. You are strong and level headed", he said.

"Umm that's where I am pretentious. So no one would be able to see the cracks. I like playing the "pretend to be fine" game. Trust me S. We all play that game. Even the least pretentious ones are sometimes pretentious. We are all hypocrites. Its in us. All of us and we can't help it."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of the mushy me".

"Umm elaborate on that please"

"I'm scared of the light that comes out of you S. The warmth that's within you scares the crap of me because I find myself melting around you. One drop at a time. I'm slowly turning into this mushy thing. Its a very vulnerable state of mind. Its when I give you the power to mould me however you would want to. Slowly dripping into your essence I no longer know as to who I am anymore since I am", she thought of saying this to him but instead she just smiled. He smiled as well.

Its now Saturday night and only half the walls were done. Sitting among the packed boxes, S was smoking like a chimney and R as usual was a lost cause.

"So how would you redecorate your room this time around?"

"I don't know.. I feel like putting up a poster of Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany's in that little black dress. Maybe I will hang a few frames. Some with pictures of family and friends and some with scenery. I don't know ...I haven't really decided on anything for sure."

Sitting in his arms on the cold floor sipping her tea slowly...she couldn't stop thinking about something. Its interesting that everyday I travel in a big car. I love wearing my Ralph Lauren skirt suit to work. I love my new $800 Coach bag. I love my job though sometimes I have to work 60 hours a week. My health is great. I come home and watch my favorite shows on my new 52 inch flat screen tv. But you know what.. something is missing. My heart was very lonely. Until now that is. Because sitting in his arms that's perfection. That's something you can't buy with money. I will never forget this moment. S will probably move on because he is so scarred. I have a feeling he will walk out of my life without a warning but I will always cherish this moment.

"So where will I be?", he asked.

"Huh what?".

"Where will I be.. you said there will be a poster of Audrey Hepburn.. there will pictures of your friends and family and what not... but R.. tell me something, Where will I be?"

Before she could answer.. his phone rang. It was his sister. He had forgotten to pick her up from the airport so he left right away.

Sitting on the cold floor after he had left she couldn't stop smiling. She had the perfect answer for S.

"You're the Teal..S. From now on you'll be everywhere. I just wish that when you are done hurting from your scars, you start to see as to what I already see and feel. So there you go S, you're the teal. May your wounds heal in no time. Amen"

Main tumharay qareeb ..tum mere paas ho..aur kuch ho na ho...bas yeh ehsaas ho...
Tum mere paas ho :)


Anthony Duce said...

I enjoyed this very much. Thanks.

Miss OverThinker said...

It's so nice to see you write again.. Is this fiction, or real? Loved the last line - S is the Teal - everywhere :)

monica said...

Superb!! i saw myself in R.She's so me!! Your posts always stun me.I think we have a strange connection and that connection gets stronger with every post of yours.

MothSmokeLover said...

@ Anthony - Thanks a bunch!

@ MOT - Thanks for liking this post. Its 99% percent fiction. God knows as to where I got the inspiration to write this.

@ Monica - Aww I see myself in R as well. Got carried away a bit and decided to write something using my own words this time. I shall refrain from it since its now a photo blog but sometimes its ok to live outside the circle we all have drawn around ourselves. Sometimes its ok to let ourselves free. Stay connected :)