Self Contempt

Drawing myself closer, coming slowly face to face
To incidents of the past, should I actually retrace?
So I know as to where did begin this phase of depression
In need of a second opinion, though I trust my own discretion
Seated on a red couch in this damn confession room
The shrink wouldn't feel the hurt, I somewhat presume
Profess your pain to me, says Mr. "I know it all"
"There will be no drama", I said, so I will not ball
Its hard as I suffer from the disease of the intellect
An everyday struggle, often resulting in a disconnect
With the inner circle as well as the entire galaxy
My triumphs now resemble some doleful tragedy
As a woman, it is expected you are melancholic
A hint of rationality is often considered hyperbolic
An example of Ophelia & Hamlet is often given to me
Of her unexplained sadness and his complete insanity
I'm told often, this is how it is all supposed to transpire
Stay attractive, act needed, this is what we require
So I frequently analyze that famous Mona Lisa smile
Seems nobody studied that sheer expression of hostile
The rate of this metamorphosis has no possible measure
Though it can be stopped, to life if I were to surrender
He scribbles on, for ten pages as the narration goes on
From what I did the night before, to where I was born
Gives his final verdict, "all is well", says he with a wide grin
Tells me to start all over and let a new chapter begin
I leave his downtown office, passing by an accident site
Wishing I, instead of the victim, had seen the tunnel light
In these tall glass buildings often I see my own reflection
Of unconscious vanity, longing, suffering and rejection
There is greed of knowledge, it is at times never enough
Was forced to choose this path, in the absence of love
Unknowingly the heart is beginning to turn to stone
Imprisoned soul with dreams shattered, I now walk alone
Have to keep breathing, got to wear this pain like a medal
For I'm the one, the so called creator of this sinful devil