Le Misérable

And somehow it all comes down to a few moments we have with each other. The clock keeps ticking and we have to live out those few moments to the core. Just so we can go to bed with the memory of that moment. Just so that memory can linger around us, in us and out of us. And you know what happens if the memory accidentally fades? The mornings turn blue, the afternoons gray and the night turns black. Not the kinda black you and I admire so much. Its a different one. The one that absorbs all of our Oxygen and we gasp for breath. The one where we can't seem to find each other and we get lost in the abyss of uncertainty. Its not a good feeling. I certainly know it. And I know that you know as well. You see there's absolute chaos out there in the world. Then there's that uncontrolled madness in me. But it all reaches its equilibrium when you are there. Holding me. Letting me know that it will be alright. But how do you console someone who has never known what peace is? How do you explain calm to the restless? And how do you explain sweet dreams to the insomniacs?

Don't blame me. Blame this world. Blame life in general. Because it made me the way I'm. It made me so bitter and so angry and so doubtful that I don't know anything for sure anymore. But you know what? It was meant to be this way.  We were all supposed to get hurt at first. The sky was supposed to come crashing down on all of us. Its an unwritten rule of life. Its a fact so you and I should go ahead and embrace it with open arms. What I feel today wouldn't have felt as great perhaps ten years ago. Had I not gone through the pains and aches, I don't think I would have been afraid of losing you. The fact that I have started to feel the fear is a positive thing. I have another confession. I think I'm scared of dying. I don't want to die. I know death does not end a relationship and yet I'm scared of dying. But I have an ill heart, I know. And it might kill me sooner than later. The reasons for its illness are many but above all its ill because its been aching since a while now.

And no do not count the number of days its been aching for. You will lose count and you will certainly get frustrated. With me. With yourself. And mostly with my aching heart. But I will tell you as to why it aches. It aches because its been miserable since a very long time now. And its mainly because it realizes that what it feels for you is bigger than anything it has ever felt before. Ok perhaps not as big as the galaxies out there but its far beyond than just a word.

Good Night. :)