Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Off I Go

Let's all raise our glass to this thing called life. Let's all get together and call this change inevitable. Yes just like us our words have also become so cliched. We repeat after the world. We look the same and we say the same things. But I do remember a time when it wasn't like that. I remember when I used to be different. I wonder where I went wrong?  And no I won't blame you for what I've done to myself. I'm sorry if you ever felt that the world was putting you on the spot because of me. I'm really sorry for that.

I must confess that I was on the verge of a breakdown. Come to think of it..aren't we all? But then you came along and my breakdown did not happen. The wounds were fresh and like a clumsy first year medical student I just sewed em all up. I thought they would dissolve and I would never see them again. But I was wrong. So damn wrong.

Though I must give you the due credit here. You saved me from my break down. You saved me big time. But there was no one there to save me from you. Yes, its a vicious cycle. We walk around in loops here on Earth. Thats the flaw with the entire human race. We end up coming back to that familiar place again and again. The one that cost us everything. I'll say cost because thats the kind of terminology the world understands now. That ugly place simply hurts like no tomorrow. But we come back to it not because we crave the pain. We are not that submissive. We come back because its a familiar place. Its like home.

And as both of us know that there is no place like home. Even if there's a rip on that couch and a big dark stain on the living room carpet but nevermind all that because home will always be home. They often try to give those suites in those five star hotels the same look but there is a reason celebrities are found dead in expensive hotel suites and not in their homes. There is a reason for that, my love.

But you simply do not get all that. You are practical. Way more practical than I will ever be. So let's just part ways. You are sane and I'm the one with the emotional imbalance. People might have thought that you were the abuser and I was a victim here but thats not the case. Its not so black and white. We are all victims of something here and all of us have abused someone atleast once. No one has a clean slate.

And on that note you must return to your world of ripped couches. Look between them because you might find my memories there. You know I was once that little girl with big dreams. So look for my memories there. You'll find plenty. However I must return to my hotel suite. The one with stainless carpets and expensive furniture.

Its a disease and you don't deserve this in life. You are worth way more. But like a disease I will stay in you. You'll think of me every single day and when you'll wake up tomorrow, it will be diffucult to get out of bed. But then days will turn into weeks and it will hurt a lot less. Believe me. I've been there. And since we have a love/hate relationship with cliches, lets end this where I started from. So you can walk around in loops instead of searching for closure because I simply can't hand it over to you. Thats just something you'll find on your own someday...when life is kind to you.

So let's all raise our glass to this thing called life. And let's all get together and call this change inevitable...

On that note good bye it is,
My dearest.

7 comments:

The Atom said...

I'm not sure how but this is the second blog i've found which some how echoes what i'm think/feeling/experiencing right about the same time that i read it! :S scary.. but anyway very nicely written! :)

Pesto Sauce said...

Philosophical....life is all this and much more

Khadeeja said...

For reasons not entirely explainable, this was by far my favorite post by you. We run around in circles, yes. Couldn't agree more on that one.

eddiesdomain said...

ab banda kya kahay :p ..

MothSmokeLover said...

The Atom - Thank you and welcome to my blog.

PS - Sure it is. :)

Khadeeja - Keep the love coming. :)

ED - Jo banday ke dil main aaye woh keh dena chahiye. :)

PurpleMist. said...

So I've been on your blog for a while today, reading this post and a few of the older ones.

I think you're really good at expressing your thoughts :)

Zeeshan Ahmed said...

"I must confess that I was on the verge of a breakdown. Come to think of it..aren't we all? But then you came along and my breakdown did not happen."

Well all can relate to this piece, such is its eloquence, and philosophical insight.
Just superb.